Writing sermons is hard, (part 3 of many)

Well, I knew that sooner or later this would happen to me. My rector (senior pastor) is famous for saying "life is what happens when you had other plans."

Last Saturday: I got sick. Went to bed six hours early.
Sunday: my beloved had a migraine.
Monday: first doctor visit of the week, to assess my son’s abscessed tooth
Tuesday: dental surgery, under significant sedative, to remove aforementioned tooth. Spent the remainder of the day dealing with recovering child.
Wednesday: frantic catch-up on Bible study prep and leading two studies, plus other administrative duties.
Thursday: my son threw up at school about two hours after we got there. He then threw up (or tried) every half hour all the way through Friday at 6 a.m.
Friday: visit to urgent-care clinic for IV fluids and ineffective anti-nausea medication.
Saturday morning: got up early and went to join vestry retreat in progress, out of town. Got home this afternoon.

Here it is, Saturday night, 8:00. I'm exhausted, haven't been to the gym in a week, and feeling vaguely sick myself. I did the heavy lifting exegetical work last week, which is the only good news. I don’t have a word down on paper, and my son is downstairs on the couch with a fever, watching cartoons, still unable to keep anything in his stomach. I’ll sleep in the same room with him (read: not in my own bed) again tonight, because he’s going to wake up sick and I’m going to have to clean him up and change the sheets for the 14th time. If I was at this point on a ‘normal’ week I might be absolutely paralyzed with anxiety and guilt. But somehow, I’m not.

Maybe it’s that I know that tonight, I’ll write something down, and tomorrow, I’ll stand up and try to say honest gospel truth, and it won’t be polished, and might even be awkward for the ear, and I’ll have to use a manuscript whether I like it or not, and I can’t do a whole lot about any of these things right now. Which is too bad, because somewhere in the convergence of Hamas elected and Justice Alito and the State of the Union and the President's "hopeful people" and burning embassies AND the second half of Isaiah 40 is a hell of a good sermon. But not from me, not this week.

I had a similar experience to this the Saturday after hurricane Katrina hit. I got to spend the vast majority of the week in the emergency shelters (sometimes it’s great to be the assistant pastor). So, Saturday night, another priest of the diocese and I were sitting in the makeshift chaplains’ office at the shelter, both of us completely out of gas, and we talked about what stories we’d heard and what we might say the following morning. I went home and wrote it down, in a rush, and that was that. But that week, everyone wanted to hear about the hurricane, and nobody cared that what I had to say wasn’t polished because they knew where I’d been. And I wasn’t all that nervous about it either.

Note to self: further reflection on anxiety levels and their cause needed.